Tuesday, April 28, 2009


Ahhh internet's shutting off. I gotta be quick. GOD I can't wait to be in college. I am SO SICK of being a high school student here, at this damn place. Arghhh can't even tell you how sick of it I am. My mom and I were talking, and she actually was like 'well I'd rather not cuz you're a high school student'. In my mind I was like 'WHOA BACK UPPPPP. Are you serious?!' I'm NINETEEN next month. What is the DEAL? Most of my friends back home are already in college.. some of them are already working. Geeeeeeeeez.

I'm a tad ADD tonight. Can't help myself.

Ahhhh my collarbone hurts. I know whose fault that is.

There's a track meet tomorrow. I really hope we have a remote chance of whipping L'ville's ass. That would definitely make all that managerial duties worth it. I need to keep working out... I need to call Karen. I need to make sure I have all that stuff for the visa done soon!

God, am I excited for that trip.


Current mood: Taking life easy for once.
Current song: Land Down Under - Men At Work (SO classic.)
Current quote: "True, you have no equilibrium, but everyone has one flaw."

He is the most adorable thing. I don't think you understand. I am mad about him. Hahahaha. God. Let's continue this post tomorrow. PUBLISH POST BEFORE THE INTERNET SHUTS OFF!!

Friday, April 24, 2009

the power of now.

So much has happened in the past month. I can't believe it, actually. I decided I'm going to Europe over the summer, I sent in my deposit for Vassar, and I fell in love. Life is good for now. Kind of.

I'm just counting down the 29 (maybe 28?) days till I graduate. I need to just get out of here... it's too much to take anymore. Watch me get kicked out of the school for something absolutely stupid... by this point in the year, I'm usually walking on eggshells, desperately trying to get by the rules which are just suffocating me. God. I wish I was in college already.

I hope this entire New York situation works out. It's stressing me out...more than I'd like to admit.

I'm stressing out about my grades this list... I seriously hope they're not gonna plunge downhill drastically. If I don't get into Vassar, life will NOT be good. I will definitely develop manic depression or something. Gotta keep myself motivated!! I hope they get my deposit by the end of today...

So... looks like there's a lot of partying and traveling that's gonna happen this summer. Europe, then Jalynn's coming... and then Phuket, and now possibly Bali. It'll be nice. I miss home so much... I'm so sick of Pennsylvania. So tired of this environment.

The NYSE trip was waaaaaaaay awesome. I want to be one of those people working there. That would make my LIFE. I want to be a workaholic, with a career so intense that I don't have time to go to the bathroom during work hours, that I don't have dinner till 2am. Hahahaha it sounds crazy, but I really think I will thrive in that sort of environment. As long as I don't lose my peace of mind though, you know? Talking to the Hill alumni who're involved in finance was a real eye-opener. Gotta travel, and go for my passions in life, before I end up stuck with a job. Your first job's usually not gonna be the one you'll end up doing for the rest of your life. Keep working at it, and don't feel like just because you're the "gopher", you're not contributing at all. $500 million deals are put together by the "gophers". Not only that, the degree you get from college really isn't going to contribute to your job: in the business world, you learn things on the fly. It's awesome. I love that...because I think that once I expose myself and put myself out there, I'll pick things up a lot more quickly.


Current mood: trust me.
Current song: Final Distance - 宇多田光
Current quote: "You're just confusing yourself."

I read Zufar's blog post to my mom. God...why are people just so inconsiderate? So close-minded? So cruel and brutal, blinded by their beliefs? How far away are those people from Brahman? Is there any possible way to bring them back?

The power of now is all there is. I hope he doesn't retaliate, because no violence brings inner peace. I just want him to be happy.

Wednesday, March 18, 2009

Time of my life.

Orlando was, without a doubt, the most awesome time I've had since I came to America. It was just amazing...dancing, partying, shopping, walking around...not to mention the warm weather. It just kinda sucked to come back to 40 some degrees (which is tomorrow), when I came from hot, humid, 90 some degrees. Body's kinda in shock.

Andrea and I had a BLAST. Her sister, also named Katrina, is probably one of the coolest people in the States. She's pretty damn hot: http://www.enginehead.com/index.php/Hottie-Features/june-hottie-katie.html I gotta support her modelling career!

First night, we landed at 9 something, and I met Katrina, and we went out to dinner. It was pretty normal, because we actually had proper sleep. From the second night onwards, it got a little crazy...

Went to the Knight Library the second night, and met Katrina's friends, the owner and the DJ and his girlfriend, who are all awesome people. Apparently her DJ friend, DJ Nova, is pretty big. He's toured the nation a lot. [http://www.myspace.com/djnova0810] He's actually really really good. Lol Andrea and I fooled around with his DJ equipment (to his amusement), and danced the night away at his house after the Library closed. There were a bunch of people in the house, and we all eventually passed out on the sofas and futons and beds at various times in the morning... I woke up the next day with a massive headache. Drea and I decided to take the rest of the day easy and shop instead. I spent a heck of a load of money, and then we went out that night again.

Went to Firestone, since Katrina had to audition there. (She got hired. Duh. She's just that good.) Anyways, it was Latino night, and it was Pitbull here and there and everywhere, and it was AWESOME fun. It was a better time than at the Library, because the guys were less of pervs, and nobody tried to constantly feel me up. That aside, Drea and I went home at 2-ish, and Katrina didn't get home till really really late that morning. (I have NO clue how she survives with that kind of lifestyle...it's insane.)

The next day, Drea and I were completely wiped. Katrina had some guy drama, so we did a girls' day out, just kinda chilling. Plus it was Saturday, so going anywhere would mean insane traffic and a LOT of people. So we just drove around, had awesome Thai food (THAI ICED TEA. AHHHHH BLISS.) and ran random errands. Once we got back, Drea and I had an easy night. We dyed our hair. Ehehehe.

Day three. Katrina and Drea had a bit of a row, haha, so Drea and I didn't end up going to the beach, which was a major bummer. That aside, we went to downtown Orlando instead, where I got the inspiration to do something extremely, extremely impulsive......and BOLD. Besides that, Katrina went to work at Firestone that night, and I extremely regret not going, because it was HIP HOP NIGHT. I could've totally rocked that.

Monday, we went to Disney World!! It was kinda overrated, but it was still good to have gone. I'm glad I went, although it was waaaaay too packed to really have a good time. Space Mountain was awesome, though. (Worth the 90 minute wait? I'm not sure.) That night, Drea and I went to a few places, bought dinner too, hung around the house and ate. We went to, ah-hem, a certain place, too. Anyways, then we hung around, watched Repo! The Genetic Opera. Stayed up waiting for Katrina, but obviously, she didn't come home.

The next morning, I packed, took a flight back, and tried to embrace Pennsylvania again. Ahh. What an awesome trip.


Current mood: Unmotivated
Current song: Rank 1 - Airwave
Current quote: "I am so fucking beautiful."

I wonder why dancing feels like such a release.

I wonder why swaying to the music feels like nirvana.


I wonder why this word means so much to me.

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Orlando, HERE I COME!

God bless. The day is finally here. Today I fly off to Orlando, FL. Andrea and I are gonna have a blast. I CAN. NOT. WAIT.

Everyone should check out Jeff Foxworthy. Hahaha funniest shyt I've watched in a really long time. Lol him and Bill Engvall, Ron White, and Larry the Cable Guy - redneck-iest comedy show in the universe i.e. HILARIOUS AS HELL.


Current mood: EXCITED
Current song: To Be With You - Mr. Big
Current quote: "Only way we can tell in Texas is if they have their hair like...yours."

Uncle Ken's brother, Bob, and his wife, Charlotte, are both awesome people. I like them a lot. Charlotte showed me a picture of her and Bob when they were young, and god, were they good-looking people. They were both pretty hot. Back in the 50s...I really wonder what it would be like to live in the 50s. How awesome would that be?

Bob said this, when he and Uncle Ken were talking about me. Bob said this about me. "She's refreshing. Because she's got a level head on her shoulders, unlike most of the people her age." Then he looked at me, and said, "Your parents should be proud of you." I thanked him, and I swear my heart just softened.

How is it that I get along with adults a lot better than with my peers? Hmmm. What does that show about me? Am I waaaay too mature for my age? Doc G totally feels the same way, too - that sometimes I think a little beyond where I should be at this point in life. Is it a blessing... or a curse?

Regardless, I am still proud of who I am.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Daylight savings...

...is majorly annoying. I lose an hour of sleep tonight! Arghhhhh. Well, I'm just currenly hanging around waiting for my laundry to get done. I'm up later than everyone else in this house, as always, the way I usually am, in the kitchen (around the food, which I sorta end up eating most of the time).

Honest to god, I want to type a really long post, but I'm sort of not feeling a really long post. I'm gonna go start on On The Road, and maybe read a few lines of the Tao Te Ching, and then call it a night. I just got off the phone with Alex, and although prior to the phone call I was feeling extremely mellow, right now I'm feeling this emptiness in my stomach. It's making me kind of upset. I'm trying to decide if I really should meet him on Monday or not. I know what's coming if I do. I also know that I'll fall back into the vicious cycle again if I don't.

Current mood: Semi-mellow
Current song: All Time Low - Dear Maria, Count Me In
Current Quote: "And I need someone to keep my sanity in check constantly."

All Time Low's resonating in my head.

I've got your picture, I'm coming with you, Dear Maria, count me in
There's a story at the bottom of this bottle and I'm the pen
Make it count when I'm the one who's selling you out
Because it feels like stealing hearts, calling your name from the crowd

How does music make us feel things the way it does? Why does Gazette feel like a breath of fresh air, calming me down despite the screamo melodies? Why does Martin Sexton make me feel like I'm crumbling inside, cynical of the world? Why does Pitbull make me wanna slink onto the table and work my body?

Was just talking to one of my old friends about stuff today. We talked about music, and he introduced me to newer music... and although we hadn't talked in forever, somehow we clicked again because of music. Everyone loves different music, and searches for the kind of music which connects with them most, but how is it that it brings us all together despite differences? Well, music was the icebreaker, and we ended up talking about more important things. It comforts me to know that I am actually helping people in this world in ways that extend beyond materialistic or physical ways.

Nothing's more important than being there for people.

Thursday, March 5, 2009

tu fui ego eris.

So, that means, "What I am, you will become." It's Latin, of course, and I got it off Silent Hill 3. (Which, btw, is such an awesome game. I'd totally play it if I didn't scream and fling the controller across the room every half a minute. Waaaaay too freaky for me to play.)

I've been having a Silent Hill/Resident Evil fetish for a while, and I totally blame it on this girl here: http://www.youtube.com/user/valtanner?blend=1&ob=0 She's pretty damn awesome. Her Southern accent makes me crack up so hard, cuz she's just so easygoing and laidback when she's playing one of the most terrifying games known to mankind. (Watch her game walkthroughs, which are SO MUCH FUN, here: http://www.youtube.com/user/VTWalkthroughs)

I just never realized what a complex web of emotion and plots and deeper meanings Silent Hill had. You know, a week ago, I didn't even know that they had 6 games out already. Hmmm. I'm about to go on a complete rant here about the games, but I'm going to stop myself. IM me if you do wanna talk about it.


Current Mood: Watching Diru singing takes me to another reality entirely.
Current Song: Underoath's entire album.
Current Quote: "Looks like God didn't make it."

My family friends, Ken and Nancy Cluckey, whom I'm staying with, are just wonderful people. I just ADORE being in this house. First of all, there's a GORGEOUS flat-screen high-def TV with a whole load of great channels. I'm watching Shawshank Redemption as we speak. (Awww the memorial library scene. =]) Hmmm. Secondly, these two old folks are just awesome. They're just great...they're hilarious, and they let me do whatever I want, they take such great care of me, and I love being with them. What's most important is that they understand I'm a teenager. I really appreciate that. ;)

They're interesting people. Uncle Ken was talking on the phone with a friend he had from high school (they got in contact because of their 50-year reunion of their class. WHOA). And they were talking about some of the people in their class who just didn't make it as huge as people thought they would. There was this athlete, who shot himself when he was 24, or something. Apparently he was the one who'd play a dozen sports and beat everyone. Then there was another person who died really young because of illness or something.

Got me thinking.

Where are we gonna end up? I thought about all the seniors graduating with me this year, and I just paused for a second. Sure, I highly, HIGHLY doubt people in my class are going to be robbing banks in 20 years or anything, but life's just so unpredictable.

And sure, we already know that life's unpredictable, but sometimes it takes a thing or two to slap us in the face and remind us again. Uncle Ken's daughter's got a lump in her breast. I just hope it works out. You only live life once. Doesn't mean you gotta go out there and do heroin, be promiscuous, and waste your life away chasing desires you're never gonna truly fulfill. It means that you gotta keep a level head on your shoulders, but when it really comes down to it, you gotta follow your heart. Nothing's more important than following your heart.

Tuesday, March 3, 2009


Okay. Bear with me.

I had this blog a year ago, and I pretty much blogged about J-Ball (ask me personally if you need to know what that is) and a school dance, but I sorta forgot about it. Then a few hours ago, I read Steph's blog, and sorta got inspired to get one - just the way I got inspired a year ago. So here it is. I wanted to get a whole new blog with a whole new look, but seriously, it's too complicated. Life's too complicated as it is...don't really need template issues slapping me in the face. So I just decided to revamp this old blog. Yes. Be excited, Jacy. =S

I hope this turns out to be as therapeutic as I was told it is.

Current mood: Procrastinators unite - tomorrow.
Current song: Plasma - Sinch
Current quote: "We are meant for each other and not meant for each other. It's a contradiction."

I'm meeting up with Andrea in Orlando in about a week, and I'm pretty damn excited. Of course, I'm a little weirded out by myself because I don't know how hard we'll end up partying, and that sorta scares me. Sure, I wanna party, I LOVE to party, but at the end of it, we all always end up a little unsatisfied. It's weird. Human desires are weird.

Moving on.

I'm done writing exercises like this in English class, you know, just typing and typing and letting all the thoughts flow, without filtering anything. Hmmm it gets a little chaotic sometimes. Damn this song is really depressing.

By the way, would it be okay, if we went our separate ways, just to see?

This song always makes me think about a certain somebody. Hmmm.

I talked to Drea about Alex earlier today. She and I sorta felt the same way about it, so I felt a little better. You know, I was a little worried that I was being a bit of a fussy brat, but turns out that I'm pretty rational after all. Haha it's sorta a comfort. I already had quite a lot of comfort from shopping too, recently. I love staying with the Weils, but sometimes it ends up that we shop 24-7, and as much as I love shopping, seriously, it's not the bane of my existence. Well, to be hypocritical for a moment, I bought two scarves today. They were cute. I have a good excuse.

It's weird that I have time for this blog, because I actually DON'T HAVE ANY HOMEWORK FOR THE ENTIRE SPRING BREAK. It's so weeeeeeeeeird. I've never never had homework......I've never...never had homework.. wow.. I'm a disturbed teenager.......

Anyways, well I'm gonna post this, get a shower, and get into bed. Then I'll switch on the TV and watch crappy romance reality tv shows like "Rock of Love" or whatever. Haha I was just watching it last night, and GOD, are people just messed up. I really don't see how getting on a reality tv show is going to bring you anything more than temporary fame and happiness. All you end up with is the horrible feeling where you feel like you have to be a certain way to gain certain things. You'll have eternal dissastisfaction with your own life. The odds of you ever finding real love on a tv show - SLIM TO NONE. Geez. Materialistic, disgusting people. Anyways. Tomorrow I'm gonna re-dye my hair, so that's something to look forward to.